


You Kept Me

by caspian



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-06 21:06:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/423195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caspian/pseuds/caspian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean isn't happy about losing the old Cas to this new mental patient one. Cas confronts Dean about it. </p>
<p>Set between 7x21 and 7x23.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Kept Me

Dean sat up with his old friend Jack Daniels. They were getting well acquainted once again. Sam was asleep on the bed across the room. Dean had shut off the laptop hours ago and was flipping mindlessly through the pages of John’s journal at the small table.

“Angels” was scrawled across the top of a newly added page. Funny how a couple of years ago, he didn’t even think angels existed. Still didn’t believe it when he met one. Even after Castiel came bursting into his life that night.  _Stop it, Dean. You are not a girl. Stop being a girl about this._

But he couldn’t help it. Once you think of something, no matter how badly you want it to go away, you still can’t stop that flood of memories that burst through. Like water and smoke, twisting out of your grip. So he closed his eyes and thought about Castiel. He thought about the lights in the barn bursting in his presence, how the knife pushed through his flesh, how his eyes held him in place and mentally threw him off balance, and once he had gone, Dean had thought about the dark hair and trench coat. When people on the street passed him wearing a trench coat, he always had a sliver of hope that it was him, always took a double take, always thought about sending a prayer to that ridiculously serious angel and get his feathery ass down here. But the coat didn’t always bring up happy memories. Dean remembers it bloodied, riveted with bulletholes, stabbed through, and floating in the water. He remembers it in the trunk of all of the cars they drove, remembers how he knew Cas would need it back, and remembers how it felt to finally hand it back to its rightful owner. Remembers seeing Cas without it, how he didn’t look right. In his sentimental state, the sound of air rushing over wings didn’t fully register until Cas spoke from somewhere behind his shoulder. 

“Hello Dean.”  His voice was low, but there was still something too childlike about it. Dean didn’t like it, no, it was worse than that. He hated it. He hated this new Cas that replaced the real Cas.  “What’s wrong?”

Cas was genuinely worried, genuinely curious, and added in a full head tilt and all. He sat down across the table from him. Dean thought about what he could tell Cas because he would feel like an ass if he told him he wasn’t exactly into the new him.

“Nothing, just tired.” Dean rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. He couldn’t look at that freaking head tilt anymore.

“Well, it is rather late, Dean. Maybe you should go to sleep. Sleeping is nice.” Cas was almost overwhelmingly sincere. It was weird and he was pissing him off.

“Thanks for the suggestion, Cas. I really hadn’t tried that yet.”

“You seem angry.”

“Well maybe I am angry.”

“Why?”

"It's nothing."  There was a long pause as Cas looked down at the table and then back up at Dean. He spoke like he couldn’t get the words out fast enough.

"Do you not like me, Dean? I feel like you don't like me anymore."

“No. I mean, yeah, or whatever, I still like you Cas. Even if you’re a gigantic baby in an old, stupid trench coat.” Dean tried to sound nice but his nice came out bitter.

“You seem very angry, Dean. Very angry with me and I’m sorry.” Dean didn’t look up. Didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to do.

“I don’t know what else to say to make you like me again.” Cas began to pick at his sleeves.

“You don’t have to say anything, Cas. I like you just fine, okay?”

“Okay. I could get rid of the trench coat, if you want. Would that make me less aggravating?” Cas looked up hopefully while Dean kept his gaze fixed downwards.

“No way. You know how long I carried that thing around waiting for you to show up and put it back on? You look pretty weird without actually. So no, I don’t want you to get rid of the coat.” 

“You got it out of the water?” Cas tilted his head again.

“Yeah. I mean it was gross. Really nasty and wet for like a week but,” Dean’s voice wavered, “I would never have just left your coat there, you know.” 

There was a slight pause, then Cas nodded and spoke in a low, quiet voice. “You kept it. You kept me.”

Dean looked up and met his gaze. There wasn’t a smile on his face, there wasn’t a trace of this new Cas, just a serious, steely, unreadable face. Dean felt his heart pound. It’s funny how Cas’ lack of an expression was familiar and comforting to Dean. 

Trying to make his voice as faint as possible, Dean said, “Of course I kept you. Where would I be without my guardian angel?”   _I’m such a freaking girl._ Cas never took his eyes off him. He took the glass out of his hand and wrapped his hand around Dean's. They hadn’t done this before but Dean wasn’t exactly opposed, he just wanted old Cas to stay as long as possible.

“Thank you, Dean. Thank you so much for keeping me.” 


End file.
